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By Susan, August 5, 2010

“Mommy.”

“Yes?”

“Do you know macaroni and cheese just got cheesier?”

“Oh, it did?”

“Yeah, I heard it on the commercial.”

This news was important for two reasons: First, I thought the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese box already says, “The Cheesiest.” Why they feel compelled to out-cheese themselves, I have no idea. Second, I knew my daughter had officially succumbed to the advertising monster.

I recently watched The Invention of Lying. In real life, a lot of people are paid a lot of money to create advertisements that distract from the truth. In the movie, everyone tells the truth all the time, so companies use slogans like: “Pepsi: When They Don’t Have Coke.”

So in that imaginary world, Kraft would promote its macaroni and cheese by saying, “Not as cheesy as if your mom made it from scratch, but we all know she’s not going to.”

Kids are impressionable when it comes to advertising, but fortunately, they are more easily influenced by us. And they are adaptable and move on quickly. I had barely begun my speech on why not everything said on TV is true, when she had another question.

“Mommy.”

“Yes?”

“Is lava real?”

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By Susan, August 4, 2010

Women earn almost as much as men—as long as they don’t have kids, according to this New York Times article, by David Leonhardt. It’s not like we don’t have enough to do, but apparently we have to add activism to our to-do lists. Mothers and fathers have to push for workplace flexibility. Kids and work are facts of life. Not only are mothers underpaid and underappreciated, but employers miss out when they exclude mothers from advanced positions.

Therefore, we must suggest/support/demand the following:

Flexible hours, work locations.
Work does not always have to be done 9 to 5 and in one place.

Job-sharing.
Two parents can share one job. Both employees are productive and no one gets resentful and burned out.

Childcare at work.
The employer has a happy team member, the baby is happy to see the parent more, and the parent can focus on work because baby is safe and nearby.

Fathers be valued.
If fathers can work less, mothers can work more. Also, if we don’t want men to own the workplace, we have to make room for them as primary caregivers of their own children. There’s no reason everyone can’t be fulfilled in their careers and their families.

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By Susan, May 3, 2010

At what point does caution become crazy? I hear parents call each other “overprotective,” “helicopter parents” and the like all the time. But the line between protecting our kids and letting them live is fuzzy and even transitory. It’s up to us to decide when and where we draw the line. It turns out one of the most dangerous activities for children is simply eating.

Children of all ages (and adults) can choke on food. Of course, children also choke on toys, balloons and other miscellaneous items they manage to put into their mouths. It’s a lot of work to ensure these hazards are kept out of reach, but everybody has to eat.

I met a mom who told me she was so afraid of her kids choking that when she would go out with her husband, she instructed the sitter to feed her kids nothing but ice cream while she was gone. Only ice cream.

A recent study published in Archives of Otolaryngology-Head & Neck Surgery revealed the high death rate for children who are admitted to the hospital for choking. On the Consumer Reports Safety Blog, Desiree Ferenczi addresses the study as well as the misconception that only younger children choke.

From all the articles I’ve read and stories I’ve heard over the years, choking is a serious danger for all children. In fact, it’s a danger for everyone. I’ve heard of children as old as 8 who’ve choked on popcorn. I’ve seen an adult choke on hard candy (and subsequently be saved by the Heimlich Maneuver).

Ferenczi recommends getting on the floor to look for choking hazards (such as small toys, etc.) from the child’s perspective. She also suggests checking children’s clothes for loose buttons, etc., which they may pull off and put in their mouths.

As far as food, there are some foods which are too dangerous for young children. Grapes, hard candy, hot dogs, popcorn, raw vegetables, etc. must be modified or avoided altogether.

Personally, my kids have had close calls with oranges and their pith, bacon and its treacherous fat, and the bubble gum “tape,” which comes in 6-foot rolls and tempts preschoolers to force 6 feet of gum into their tiny mouths.

After reading the recent study and doing an online search of children and choking, I threw out my kids’ stash of giant gumballs and hid the microwave popcorn. I will only break out the popcorn when I can supervise its consumption and remind the kids to eat only one piece at a time.

How much caution is too much? There’s no simple answer to that question. Admittedly, sometimes I err on the side of too much, but once in a while, kids can eat ice cream if it puts our minds at ease.

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By Susan, March 26, 2010

Cady: Are we still in a fight?
Janis: You still an a**hole?
Cady: No. I don’t think so.
–from Mean Girls, the movie

I’ve seen the movies. I’ve even been a girl. Fellow moms keep reminding me, “Girls can be mean.” I know how to handle car seats, algebra and skinned knees, but after 16 years of being a parent, I still don’t know how to handle the mean kid. My daughter is entering the stage where friends turn to frenemies to enemies and sometimes back again…maybe all in the course of an afternoon.
My sons have encountered the occasional jerk who will push you into the wall or slam your locker shut, but with those guys, you know where you stand.
My daughter has received taunts so mean that I have told her to drop that person as a friend for good. But they make up and move on, and sometimes repeat the process. My daughter is more forgiving and pragmatic than I am. She knows that her social circle is a tangled web. Plus, she’s incapable of holding a grudge. I, on the other hand, don’t forget when it comes to my kids.
I generally preach peace and love, but I sometimes fantasize about taking the low road. Is it wrong to trip a kid who is all Shirley Temple on the outside but Leona Helmsley on the inside? A knowledgeable 7th-grade girl has assured me that although I can’t do it, paying another youngster to do it is perfectly ethical.

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By Susan, March 19, 2010

Over the past four months, my husband has outdone me in the diaper-changing tally. Of course, it’s not a competition, but if it were, we’d both win. How can I lose if he’s changing diapers, fetching toys, recording giggles and wiping sour milk from our baby’s little fat cracks?

Dads matter. They matter to moms and they matter to kids. Dads may even have been key to our humanity.

Anthropologist Lee T. Gettler hypothesizes that paternal involvement in prehistoric families allowed us to evolve into larger, more energy-efficient creatures. Pre-humans were also able to have more children because a father’s contributions meant a woman needed less time between kids, he adds. Gettler’s point is that he believes dad involvement is not a recent development and that it’s been beneficial not only to families, but to the species.

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By Susan, March 15, 2010

This morning I woke up to the realization that I missed an appointment on Friday. Last week I noticed I had forgotten to complete an important task, but I’ll remain vague about that one for legal reasons. I also let a bill slip my mind last month. I don’t want to use the 3-month-old baby as an excuse, but I will…to a point. Fatigue and baby brain can’t be blamed for all my forgetfulness, but she is my fifth baby. For six of us, I am responsible for: bill payments, doctor appointments, parent-teacher conferences, project due dates, work deadlines and all the other stuff you know about because you do them too. The problem is that I have never even been organized enough for one person. I have taken a class, read (ok, skimmed) books on the subject, and tuned into every related superficial segment on talk shows and morning programs. Maybe my subconscious self is prioritizing, then forgetting the events which I can’t realistically handle. Or I need to manage my schedule better. Or I have a brain condition about which I have forgotten. Whatever, the reason, if I’ve blown you off in the past four months, I’m so sorry. If it happened before that, I’m probably also sorry.

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By Susan, March 7, 2010

The first thing I did this morning was breastfeed my baby. The second thing I did was weigh and cringe at the number on the scale. I wished I weighed 10 pounds less, but then I read this msnbc.com article titled: “Chubbier monkey moms produce better milk.” Sounds good to me.  

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By Susan, March 3, 2010

My family is currently attending a Smart Steps class for stepfamilies. My kids claim that they don’t need the class because everything is fine among members of the stepfamily. In fact, I have been targeted as the chief cause of family discord for enrolling them in a class that wastes their time. Of course, I’m also blamed for the tedium of homework, the necessity for sunscreen, and the flavor of green beans.

Lesson number one: Biologically related children are not to be called “real” or “natural” siblings, but “bio” siblings. When we drive to the class, we fill the seven-seat minivan, and the bio bickering ensues.

I like this class so far but wonder where we sign up to keep peace among bio siblings. Our family has two big brothers and a bunch of little sisters. Naturally, conflicts occur, and everyone takes turns being the instigator. My sisters and I attended the School of Knock It Off Or You’ll Walk. Maybe bio irritation serves a purpose, like preparing us for all the pests we’ll come across throughout our lives.

In an attempt to get out of the class, one child (whose identity I’ll protect for my own safety) asked, “Do I still have to go? I didn’t fight with anyone all weekend.” Maybe that’s not the outcome the course creators intended, but I’d still call it a success.

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By Susan, February 2, 2010

I have happily and haphazardly been spreading parenting propaganda for 16 years. I’ve been doing this not as a writer, but as a parent. I’ve spent years glibly citing studies which suit my agenda.
I recently read this article about a study (published in the journal Sleep) titled, “Earlier Parental Set Bedtimes as a Protective Factor Against Depression and Suicidal Ideation.”
Naturally, I told my teenager about the study, which focused on adolescents. As someone who likes to stay up late on weekends, I thought he’d argue. He simply said, “Most of these studies you tell me about are obvious.”
True, I thought. Today I saw a press release about a study titled: “Teens who drink with parents may still develop alcohol problems.” That makes sense.
I still cite such “science” when it suits me, though. At age 3, they’d generally believe me when I’d say, “You’ll poke your eye out” or “That will give you a case of diarrhea you’ll never forget.” The older my kids get, the more reinforcements I have to bring in. They want to “pshaw” my explanations of the values of turning in early, eating breakfast, wearing jackets, etc. Sometimes they even argue against my sources, my statistics and my “facts.”
We all know many study results can be manipulated, misinterpreted, etc., so I’ve always taught my kids to be skeptical and not automatically believe everything they hear or read. As they age, they’ve begun to ask me to identify my sources. I’m happy they do it. I suppose I just assumed I’d be the exception. Share this Post

     

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By Susan, January 11, 2010

High school and college students are stressed out, but we already knew that. A new study points out that it’s not just run-of-the-mill stress, though. Young people are anxious, ill and facing other mental health problems like “hypomania” and “psychopathic deviation.” The study was conducted by Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D., author of Generation Me: Why Today’s Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled—and More Miserable Than Ever Before. She is also co-author of the Narcissism Epidemic.

Students’ psychological health has declined significantly over decades, according to researchers who used the same questionnaire that was administered in a similar study during the Great Depression. Some psychologists attribute the problems to high—even unrealistic—expectations about achievement, success and, especially, materialism.

Critics of the study contend that maybe young people are just more aware of their issues or of the services available to them. But who can argue that young people are not inundated by pressures to be perfect? The volume of “stuff” available and pushed on us is unprecedented. If kids don’t have the same technology as their friends, they won’t receive group messages, they’ll be left out of online games, etc. Young people have become obsessive about their looks as ads for procedures dictate physical ideals. There’s a medication to grow fuller eyelashes…as if the worries about fuller hair, lips and breasts weren’t enough. It’s hard to feel “good enough” anymore, and we all know the teen years are painful even without these additional pressures.

So, what’s a parent to do? I am constantly trying to balance between unrealistic expectations and high expectations in areas such as academics and personal responsibility. Sometimes making it through alive is good enough. Perfection is unattainable, and we’ll have happier kids if we can teach them this. Fortunately, I have my kids to remind me of this occasionally. At the beginning of this school year, I noticed one of those huge plastic security tags on my son’s shorts as I was dropping him off in the parking lot. I said, “You can’t go in like that.” He considered his options, climbed out of the car and shrugged. “Who cares?” Share this Post